


Jared in the Closet

by Flicker_out



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, NSFW, jared-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:33:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flicker_out/pseuds/Flicker_out
Summary: "As Jared closed his eyes he couldn’t help the cold feeling settling over him. This didn’t feel right. He wanted to enjoy this. He was supposed to enjoy this."The fandom seems to have decided Jared was lying about his summer activities, but what if he wasn't?





	Jared in the Closet

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I've written in years and my first time using AO3, so if I messed up anything in the tagging please tell me.

Jared didn’t know how he got himself into these situations. One minute he was sitting there having a conversation, the next he was in a cramped supply closet and there were lips against his.  
The girl, Alia, had been talking with Jared, Jared rambling on about computers and cracking jokes in true Jared fashion. Then she had pressed her lips against his effectively stopping his speech.   
Oh.  
Jared allowed her to pull him into the supply closet. The smell of chemicals filled the small space. Jared allowed Alia to continue her kisses for a little too long before realizing he was supposed to kiss back. Despite trying to display a cool persona Jared had never been in this situation before, never believed he’d be in one even close to it. And suddenly her hands were everywhere and Jared’s shirt was being tugged off and he was just trying to stop his head from running around in circles.   
Jared helped Alia take off her own top, their lips meeting again. As Jared closed his eyes he couldn’t help the cold feeling settling over him. This didn’t feel right. He wanted to enjoy this. He was supposed to enjoy this. And yet all he can think of is his best friend. His only friend. Evan. What would this be like if it was Evan? But it wasn’t Evan. And Jared should be happy, after all most teenage guys would love to have this opportunity. So Jared tries. Tries to enjoy himself.  
But then her bra is on the ground and his hands are on her chest and it’s a lot. The smell of chemicals and Alia’s deodorant, the feeling of her pressed against him, the image of Evan. And before Jared can even process what he’s doing he throws the door of the closet open and runs. He keeps running until he makes it to the bathroom, locking himself in a stall and sitting on the ground. He pulled his knees to his chest, his head screaming. Jared was reminded of eighth grade, of being pushed into lockers and called a faggot. The word swam around, filling his head.   
Faggot, Faggot, Fagg-DING DING DING DING  
Jared’s thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the dinner bell. He hurriedly stood up, wiping his wet eyes and wondering when the tears has started falling. Unlocking the stall, he looked at himself in the dirty mirror above the sink. He looked like shit. Splashing his face with water Jared walked slowly to his cabin to get another shirt.   
_______________________________________  
Jared had tried to apologize to Alia, but they were never really able to reconnect as friends. Jared isolated himself for the rest of camp, wishing he could’ve been more chill about the situation. It was the first year Jared was relieved when camp came to an end. He collapsed into his bed immediately when he got home and spent most of the week he had left before school laying in it and wondering what was wrong with him. Eventually though, the day came that he had to start his senior year.   
Jared had gotten up early, worried about the day ahead of him. It’d be his first time seeing Evan since the… incident with Alia. Jared threw on his clothes and made himself coffee. He drank it black, not bothering to put his normal loads of cream in. It tasted awful, but it gave him something to focus on. Jared finally decided to just drive to school. He would be early, but it’d be better to just face the problem than avoid it.   
Jared walked into school and there he was. Evan. The source of his confusion. It’s okay. Jared could do this. He just had to say something totally straight, a nice greeting to his totally casual friend.  
“Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much, or do you consider that an honor?” Or that worked too.  
“Wait- STop- no I wasn’t, I wasn’t doing that” Came the stammered reply. Jared couldn’t help but thing flustered Evan was cute. In a totally straight way. So he continued his teasing.  
“So paint me the picture. You’re in your room, you’ve got Zoe Murphy’s Instagram up on your weird off brand cell phone-”   
“Shh, that’s not what happened obviously,” the shy boy cut off Jared’s teasing. “I was jus- Well I was climbing a tree.. and I fell”  
There was a brief moment of concern, before Jared reminded himself to just be cool and carry on with his calm act. “You fell out of a tree? What are you, like” Shit shit, think of something funny, “An acorn?”  
“Well I was- I don’t know if you know this, but I worked this summer as an apprentice park ranger at, um, Ellison State Park. I’m kind of a tr-tree expert now, not to brag- Anyway” Evan, cut himself off and Jared tried not to be too disappointed, he loved the blonde’s excitement, “I try- I climbed this 40 foot tall oak tree-“  
“And then you fell,” Jared finished.  
“Well except it’s a funny story though because there was a s-solid ten minutes after I fell where I just lay there, uh, on the ground waiting for someone to come get me. I was just ‘Any second now’ ya know, I kept- I was saying to myself ‘Any second now, here they come’”  
“And did they?” Jared asked, refusing to let his tone show the guilt he was feeling for not being there.  
“No, nobody came. That’s the, uh, that’s what’s funny.”  
“Jesus Christ”  
“How was- What did you do for the-“ Evan cleared his throat. “You have a good summer?”  
The question Jared dreaded. He couldn’t let Evan know the truth, that he had ruined his only friendship because of stupid thoughts in his head.   
“Well my bunk dominated in capture the flag” He couldn’t let Evan know. “and I got to second base below the bra with this girl from Israel who’s gonna, like, be in the army,” He couldn’t let Evan know. “So, yeah, if that answers your question.” Jared started walking away, he couldn’t let Evan know.   
“Hey, do you wanna sign my cast?”  
Jared turned, confused. “Why are you asking me?”  
“Well I just- I thought- Because we’re friends”  
Jared needed distance. He couldn’t handle this. “We’re family friends. That’s like, a whole different thing and you know it. Hey, tell your mom to tell my mom that I was to you. Otherwise my parents won’t pay for car insurance”   
It’s a lie. An awful lie. But Jared can’t let Evan see. If Evan saw how broken Jared really was, if he managed to peak through the cracks of his cool façade, Evan would hate him. Jared knew he would. Jared needed a way out, and he saw that way out coming towards him in the hall.  
“Hey Connor,” Evan stiffened next to Jared. “Loving the new hair length. Very, school shooter chic.”  
Jared knew it was dangerous, taunting the school psychopath, but at this point he didn’t care. Maybe he should get beat up. At least then he could focus on the pain instead of any of the thoughts in his head. Silence had fallen over the hall and Jared couldn’t stand it.  
“I was just kidding,” Jared said, ending the silence. “It was a joke.”  
“Yeah, no it was funny. I’m laughing,” Connor said, his tone saying the opposite. And suddenly he was stepping toward Jared. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”  
“You’re such a freak.” Jared retreated slowly into another hall, getting out of sight before he started running. He ran yet again to the restroom. Landing on the floor of the stall, Jared banged his head lightly against the wall.   
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” He muttered over and over again. This wasn’t going to be a great day. It wouldn’t be a great year. Not the year he suddenly becomes insanely cool. Not the year he’s able to have friends without messing everything up. Just… Not the year.


End file.
